Psilocybin: Beyond the mask of our identity and embodying our Spirit
For most of my life, when I woke up in the morning, I did what most people do. I got out of bed, brushed my teeth, washed my face, maybe ate something, and rushed out the door to whatever activities I had. But before I walked out the door, I subconsciously did something that most people also do: I put on my "outside" face. My outside face was a carefully constructed persona that I believed would be likable and fit in. Like a mask that helped me blend in, it was my identity.
I am a female, first-generation Lebanese American, the oldest child of four, a writer, an artist, an academic, and an athlete.
These were some of the basics I formed my identity around. Later, my musical tastes, political opinions, hobbies, and personal dreams became part of my identity.
My mask changed, transformed, and grew as I did. It was a beautiful, intricate, and magnificent mask, yet it was still only a mask.
Battling Inner Demons
In my teenage years and early adulthood, I struggled with depression and anxiety. My family urged me to take antidepressants, but even at a young age, I knew this wouldn’t actually cure anything and that there had to be a different way to treat these symptoms.
I threw myself into art, literature, and academics, becoming a young political and environmental activist. Wanting to be of service in one way or another and to stand for something greater than myself, I became a fighter.
The symptoms lightened, yet they didn’t go away completely.
It would take another half a decade of facing mental and physical illness and some serious soul-searching before I would have my first psychedelic experience, which brought me into direct contact with God and transformed my relationship with myself and life.
A Journey of Discovery
I remember the first time clearly: A friend and I went to a classical music concert in the most famous club in Berlin. Before we left the house, she offered me some MDMA. I had always been scared of psychedelics, but I trusted her and opened my hand to receive it. I took a small micro-dose since it was my first time, and she wanted it to be enjoyable rather than intense.
We walked to the concert and were in a good mood. When we entered the concert and the music began, I remember being in complete awe of the music, the art, and the lights. I felt as if I had become one with the music. I could see the melodies dancing in the light, and in the center of my chest, I felt a warm wellspring of love flowing from my heart. After what felt like a lifetime of pain, insecurity, and heaviness, I felt completely at ease with myself and life.
It was the middle of the night in Berlin when we got home, and the house was quiet. My heart was still filled with such pure love, so I called my parents, who were awake in Los Angeles, and spoke to them for hours. I felt such a deep, inexplicable love, and I wanted to share it—with my parents, my family, and with anyone and everyone I could. After that day, something shifted within me. I didn’t have words for it at the time; I just knew that I felt so much more relaxed and at ease with myself and life.
Healing the Inner Child
Months later, still under the same city lights of Berlin, my friends and I were invited to a small party. When we arrived, the host excitedly showed us her mushrooms that she had been growing and asked if we would like some. I accepted a very small amount, as it was my first time with mushrooms, and I didn’t want to have a full-blown journey in the middle of the party with many people I didn’t know.
During that party with the micro-dose of psilocybin, I felt a deep sense of childlike wonder and joy that I hadn’t let myself feel before. Again, it opened something within me that stayed open long after the night ended. Through the experience of being immersed in joy and innocence, something shifted within me, and I felt braver and more joyful.
Shedding the Mask
Through these micro-psychedelic experiences, the mask I had been wearing my entire life began to slowly crack, and I got a glimpse of what had been underneath it all along—my soul, my essence, and my spirit.
Although these experiences were not intentionally ceremonial but rather recreational in nature, they were very healing and eye-opening on many levels. These experiences paved the way for me to begin to form a deeper relationship with my true self and restructure who I believed myself to be and what I believed was possible for my life.
Little did I know that I would later go on to study and train with teachers around the world and learn to accompany others during their psychedelic experiences and facilitate profoundly transformative journeys with the assistance of the earth and her medicines.
The Rediscovery of Psilocybin in Medicine
Today, the medicinal and therapeutic qualities of psilocybin, or "magic mushrooms," are becoming well-known, but ten years ago, there was still a lot of stigma against psilocybin and psychedelics in general. They were seen as drugs, and dangerous ones at that. While there is currently much talk and study of the clinical uses for psilocybin, the ceremonial experiences that have been a part of our societies all over the world have often been forgotten.
For many, psilocybin is being undertaken in clinical settings, far away from the fire and the forest from which it comes. Luckily, there is a resurgence of psilocybin in ceremonial settings such as Soul Medicine and other psilocybin retreats from Our Future is Ancient.
While psilocybin is surely a very powerful ally in clinical therapy and healing, in its essence, it is a medicine of the Earth, and like all medicine, it is designed to be sat with in a ceremonial setting, in nature, and with respect.
Psilocybin in Ancient Healing Traditions
Psilocybin, also known as "magic mushrooms," is a master plant indigenous to every continent on Earth (except Antarctica). Psilocybin is a master plant teacher referred to as "Los Niñitos Santos" in Mexico, which translates to "The Holy Little Children." Technically, mushrooms are not plants, but fungi. Yet for this article, we will refer to them as "plant medicine" and "master plant teacher."
Their potent medicine is known to be a gentle healer of the womb, the heart, sexual trauma, grief, heartbreak, and loss, along with depression and anxiety. They are well-known for bringing a sense of euphoria, innocence, and joy. It is common for journeyers to discuss their visions of the future with clarity after a psilocybin journey.
Magic mushrooms are among the oldest entheogens consumed by humans, with history going back long before modern civilization. In many cultures, they were considered sacred. In ancient Egypt, they were believed to be the “food of the gods” and a special gift from the god Osiris, to be consumed for religious reasons only by priests and the upper class. The ancient Aztecs and Mayans named them Teonanacatl or “flesh of the gods” and consumed them as a way to communicate with the deities.
Remembering The Fungi-Human Connection
Today, they are being researched in clinics and laboratories all over the world for their revolutionary and groundbreaking healing properties. Yet for the ancient peoples of Earth—our collective ancestors—the magic of fungi was common knowledge. Rather than discovering something new, modern-day psilocybin research has the potential to awaken a deep remembrance in humanity.
When we embark on a journey with psilocybin, we are not changing or becoming new. We are returning to that which is ancient within us; we are connecting with the ancient wisdom of the soul. Although there are hundreds, if not thousands, of entheogens on Earth, psilocybin is the most widespread and common.
It's safe to say that humans are mushroom people in their essence. Unlike other master plants that have a lineage reserved for peoples of specific regions, psilocybin is the medicine of the human. It is the medicine of the Earth. It does not belong to any one of us but is shared between us all—like the mycelium web that covers the Earth and connects us all, mushrooms connect us to the Earth and one another.
A Return to Our Essence
Psilocybin has the capacity to not only allow us to address and heal deep-seated trauma but also to give us access to that which has been sitting beneath the surface all along—our spirit. Our spirit is that part of us that is connected with everything in the universe, the part of us that is expansive and all-encompassing. When we sit in ceremony with psilocybin, often we are able to go beyond the masks of our identity and merge with our spirit.
These experiences of merging with our spirit have the potential to transform our lives from the very core level and up. It may not be an overnight transformation, but with the right support, guidance, and community, the insights received during a psilocybin ceremony or retreat can ripple into our lives and take us into a life of deep purpose, inner connection, and wholeness that comes from being in contact with our spirit.
Embracing the Call to Explore
The way I wake up in the morning has changed tremendously since those autumn days in Berlin. I still wash my face, brush my teeth, and eat breakfast. But my desire to sit in silence, create, write, be in nature, and begin my day intentionally has grown significantly since then. When I leave my home, there is rarely an outside face that I take with me. There is only me, here and now.
For anyone looking to reduce stress, improve mental health, and build greater trust in life, I highly recommend developing a relationship with psilocybin in a ceremonial setting—especially when done in a community in the wild. There is something truly transformative about sitting with psilocybin while being in contact with the elements and the Earth.
If you are feeling the call to go beyond your limits and explore the incredible world your spirit has to offer you, join Soul Medicine retreat in Nayarit, Mexico. Experience the magic of the jungle for daily yoga, stunning night skies, fire-side ceremonies and pure, pristine beaches.
It's an experience that will bring positive ripples to your life for years to come.
About the Author
Nura Abdullatif is a ceremonialist, astrologer, embodiment teacher, herbalist, mentor and passionate steward of the Earth. For over a decade, she has dedicated herself to accompanying others on their healing paths and weaves an array of learned and innate skills together to do so. She is committed to creating safe, nurturing spaces where her clients can embark on profound inner journeys and find the courage to integrate spiritual experiences into their daily lives. Her clients often celebrate newfound balance and nourishment, aligning their lives with soulful authenticity. She is known for her calm, grounded nature and visionary guidance.
